Old habits

I need acupuncture so badly that I’m almost ready to start poking myself with my ballpoint pen. Old habits die hard; that was totally me wallowing the other day, forgetting everything I know about recovery and how to help myself feel better. I swear, the depression chemicals are so strong – people just don’t understand. It’s like water, it looks beautiful, poetic, harmless. Then a big ass rapid pins you underwater against a boulder, and it changes how you feel about it. I have nothing but respect for the water. Depression though, it’s all about where you are in regards to the deep blue stuff: above, below, drowning, surfing, snorkeling, diving, parasailing, or sitting on the beach watching the waves.  I’d like to be jet skiing over it, like on the lake outside Helena, Montana, circling around the island and knowing you’re boating over a submerged town. You know it’s there, but you don’t have to deal with it anymore.

Yeah, I feel better. A lot because I remembered that I have some amazing friends, and I merely pared down the ones that weren’t healthy but I’m making more all the time. Then because I see that I’ve come soooo freaking far from where I was even a couple of years ago. Now I have two really good jobs, the potential to sort my finances out, a brilliant mechanic that will work for Jaegermeister, and for the most part…even though everything has changed profoundly…I am doing much better overall. Except for occasional lapses that are more rare if I get acupuncture and regular exposure to cute things like babies and puppies and happy hopeful potential.


Better Now – Collective Soul


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