The sweaty chemicals of happiness

Love Will Turn You Around – Kenny Rogers
What I Wouldn’t Do – Serena Ryder
Inside and Out – Feist
The Girl Gets Around – Sammy Hagar
Ain’t No Cure For Love – Leonard Cohen

I had to start with some music today, since I am creatively constipated. Nothing is coming out; I sit down to write and can barely remember what language I know. Part of the problem is that I’m trying to express things that I have never been able to find words for. It takes me a very long time to communicate exactly what I mean, and it’s even worse when I’m talking. Usually art helps, because I can express things in form and color instead. That’s why I created hundreds of paintings when I was experiencing emotional trauma – super therapeutic. Even better when people started buying them, but that’s another story. Now I can’t even paint anymore- and I can’t stand the paintings I finished recently, they’re terrible.

The words are dancing around and eluding me, and I’m trying to figure out how to confront the real issue that’s preventing me from actually sitting down to seriously write or paint. It’s stupid and brutal and I know exactly what it is, but calling it by name still doesn’t make it go away. Procrastination hasn’t worked either; now I have art and writing stuck in my head and when I do have time, I just sit and stare at my studio space, completely overwhelmed.

Clearly I need more exercise; working it out physically helps immensely. The sweaty chemicals of happiness, and toxins releasing from the body. I can think of a fun adult way to get sweaty and stimulate the muse; I guess we’ll see what potential there is to release that this weekend. That always helps me just let go. I do want to go slow with this amazing guy though; perhaps I’ve finally learned caution and patience. Somewhat. Then again, impetuous “great ideas” have had some interesting results in the past.


Oh What A Thrill – The Mavericks
Goodbye Is Forever – Arcadia



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