The joy of vacation days; it’s divine to have paid time off, I’m so grateful. Even though I can’t use cannabis, I’m doing other things to get my stress level down; walking, biking in the sunshine, class at the gym, my writing class, going to a couple of museums (Portland Art Museum and World of Speed), and teaching myself to crochet. I even splurged a little on a new book and pinup/rockabilly dress, and then I made the tiny mistakes of: Checking my work phone, reading the news, and taking the ACE test or Adverse Childhood Experiences test. My score was only a 5, which is pretty good, but I didn’t really need that reminder of what my odds are.
For many reasons, I’m completely struggling with not having a car, it makes me super sad. First world problem, I know, but holy crap I work and work, and I’ve had at least one job since I was 11, often 2 or three, but life keeps getting more and more expensive and it’s hard not to panic or just give up and do something crazy like throw everything away. If I didn’t have this amazing living situation, I don’t know what I would do, and now my pay is going to go down with this new job – so will my stress, but – I don’t know how to actually get ahead. I could save every penny, not go out or do much, but what kind of life is that? I’m pretty frugal, for example, my new dress was $15 on Amazon, and I am good at finding the deals, but I’m just not sure where to go next, or what to do. At all. It’s unnerving, I’m tired but hyper, and my heart hurts.
Update: One of our staff called me at home since she didn’t know I was on vacation and she was worried. So much love.
Blue on Black – Kenny Wayne Shepherd
Lie To Me – Jonny Lang
Blurry – Puddle of Mudd
Lay Low – Josh Turner
High – Sir Sly
Simple Song – The Shins
Believe – Mumford and Sons
Lonely Town – Brandon Flowers