A beloved friend texted me that she wanted to hurt herself, and then she went radio silent. I’m going out of my mind with worry, knowing what she’s been going through the past few years. A lot of people are going through rough times, and she’s had it extra hard. The suicidal ideation is also a huge trigger for me, and I’m so sad that she’s going through that kind of distress. Oh fuck yes I know how much it hurts, and I want to make it better but I can’t help because no one knows where she is.
I got her text as a helicopter was coming in, so I asked the cop next to me what I should do. At his suggestion, I called the police in two towns for a wellness check, but I haven’t heard much back. The police pinged her phone, which is in a totally weird location, and oh lord if I’ve ever prayed, it’s for this strong, beautiful woman who has been battling some awful things in her life and please just get her home and safe where she’s loved.
I want that energy to also go out to anyone who is experiencing that suicidal kind of distress right now. You are loved, please hold on. We, as a society can do better than this. Humans can do so much better than this. We all see the ridiculously high levels of distress a lot of us are feeling. It’s just rough right now, but we can work to make it better.
As a random addendum … Sometimes I want to respond to Albert Camus and the cynics with: I absolutely would sleep on the floor for you, and we are all beloved. Go forth and do warm and fuzzy things – that mean, cold, cynical, disassociated, violent shit is not good or fun for anyone. Spread love, have more feasts and parties where EVERYONE is welcome.
And oh god/goddess/FSM/ BSOC, I love you Anna. Please don’t leave us.
Theme from M.A.S.H. – Nick Cave
Wave on Wave – Pat Green