I finally met somebody promising. He’s smart, international, and interesting to talk to. Then we sat down under a beautiful arch of jasmine, it was a gorgeous summer night, he ran his hands through my hair, and the next thing I know, he’s sucking on the back of my neck like a damn vampire. The next morning I had hickies.  FFS. I’ve been told I’m delicious, but really?? What about courtship and romance?

In addition to the terrors of dating, I started delving more into the swinger/poly lifestyle, because at least in that world participants have clear and open communication – that’s something anyway. I made a new friend who is helping me set up a long-held fantasy. I can’t seem to make my dreams of family, career, or home come true, so I might as well branch out into other things that might make me happy. It took years and years of work, failure, and more work, before I could reclaim my sexuality after the 12 years of sexual abuse as a child, and that’s not counting any of the adult traumas. I don’t like still having flashbacks or issues around sex – why should those men get to destroy that aspect of my life? Men destroy so much, I’m fighting back on this one. No man, no brainwashed religion-follower, NO ONE gets to tell me what to do with my body. I’ve put up with enough.

So here we go. Tons more dating coming up (fingers crossed for one civilized partner), and one goddess-worshipping gangbang with fully vetted participants (none of that degrading treatment). Let’s see how many orgasms we can generate in one very fun night. Scandalous for a woman you say? Fuck you, I get to do whatever the fuck I want. I’m sick of self-righteous assholes passing judgement, or narrow minded, hypocritical people dick-tating what they think women can or can’t do.


My Church – Maren Morris
I Touch Myself – The Divinyls

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