Tag Archives: C-PTSD

A fine state of affairs

I think about dating again and I just can’t. I’ve had too many horrific other things happen to me by men in my past, and it’s more than I can bear – at the moment – to have to go … Continue reading

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Meet me halfway

25,085 words and I’m behind on the word count but still halfway there; NaNoWriMo 2018 is kicking my ass in the best possible way. What a glorious distraction from the tragedies and heartbreak of everyday life, and from the blood, … Continue reading

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This is why people don’t tell

Look at the news; it’s full of powerful people tearing this woman down, ripping apart her life. She’s getting death threats. No one wants to report sexual abuse, because it’s always hell for the victim, and the perpetrator(s) rarely have … Continue reading

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Beacon of blue

They’re family, and I’m so proud of their accomplishments, delighted to see them. Spending time with them is wonderful; Lord knows I don’t have much family left, and I appreciate what I do have… and maybe coming here was a … Continue reading

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Hiding the social anxiety

People keep telling me that they don’t see how I could have social anxiety issues. Sometimes I can’t even respond in words, describing how many years of study and work I’ve put into being able to function in social situations. … Continue reading

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Monday morning

Sometimes reconnecting with an old friend can provide valuable insight and powerful grounding. I had breakfast this morning with one of my dearest friends from high school, and the conversation reminded me of some important lessons about life, humanity, and … Continue reading

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Dick-tation

I finally met somebody promising. He’s smart, international, and interesting to talk to. Then we sat down under a beautiful arch of jasmine, it was a gorgeous summer night, he ran his hands through my hair, and the next thing … Continue reading

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The spiky inhale

The depression is back, and I could list the reasons why, but it doesn’t change the reality of living with it. The sensation of each breath being a spiky scratch of pain, regret, and the deepest sorrow – all unnecessary, … Continue reading

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Float therapy #5

I fell asleep in the sensory deprivation tank today, it was amazing. Usually I just enjoy the time, but I was exhausted, and as soon as I got comfortable and turned the light out, I was out as well. Interestingly … Continue reading

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Auto rewind

My friends say such wonderful things to me, but is that the tape that plays over and over in my head? Of course not. That soundtrack has turned out to be the most difficult thing to change. And how do … Continue reading

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